“You see It’s never bad enough to just, leave or give up but it’s, never good enough to feel right…”–TBS “This Photograph is Proof”
You’re at that stage where you worship the air that passes by your significant other- maybe even more than the ground they parade on. Kisses and late night laughs brought upon by the incessant feeling of perpetual satisfaction, or sometimes, one too many shots of tequila. The beautiful courtship principles of love-making and future planning…
“Well… I guess it’s time for a smooth kick to the head.”– Reality
So your significant other stepped out and got some side action. Now what? The infidelity card is one bearing an infinite amount of factors that conclude with many varying results. Of course dealing with the heartbreak is the first step, but it is also the most time consuming factor. The problem with heartbreak is that it is closely synonymous with TRUST-break. Most relationships (especially in the beginning stage, BKA the “cupcake phase”) live off of blind trust- hoping to be caught as they begin to fall backwards. Before the tar and feathers come out, let me explain.
We trust our friends because they have had our backs time and time again in situations where friendship can either thrive or fail. For many of us, they’ve been our partners-in-crime battling through the social structures of high school. Being as broke as teens can be, they spotted you for that pint of E&J time and time again which, in a healthy friendship, forges an unspoken notion that you are willing to do the same for them. However, in most mutually exclusive “relationships”, we drag the trust icon into the love folder with haste, yearning to give our all to that special person and expecting the same in return. Not because we’ve actually witnessed them to be trustworthy per se, but because we hope that our hearts have picked the right person to intertwine our lives with. People with long-term friendships have been building and sculpting various trust proponents for years, but for some reason when love strikes, the concept of time seems to propel itself into a massively dense “I hope I’m right” situation.
It goes a little somethin’ like this…
You meet someone, you guys kick it off great, time goes by, you fall deeper for each other, and then BOOM. The wrench gets, well, “wrenched”, into the spinning sprockets of your love machine and everyone seems to be out of WD-40. You’re crushed, disappointed, lost, and beyond baffled at the situation. There really is no word strong enough to explain the smorgasbord of feelings that are raging through your body. Your imagination replays the incident as if you were there. You feel woozy and incomplete half the time, thinking about the “what’s and why’s” of such a befuddling period in your life, and how you could be so stupid for this to happen (maybe even again). For all those who know what I mean, I need not explain to you the seriousness of these emotions, so I would like to shed some light in the other direction. For those who don’t know what I mean, what size are your shoes? Maybe we could trade places for a few, sayyyyy… MILLENIUMS.
If you leave that person FOR GOOD, you wander into a part of your life where you are now dealing with a heavy blow of negativity. Getting passed this chapter is critical, and when done correctly, matures you as an individual. A person should always stand strong in the face of adversity, because after pain comes success. Although you would rather be cuddled up with Mr./Mrs. Bullshitter and would rather not be dealing with such a struggle, FACTS ARE FACTS. Know your worth, collect yourself, and let life take its course one slugs-pace step at a time. Call up that guy or girl that you wanted to be nothing but friends with, but for the sake of your relationship, cut them off. Focus your time and energy on that hobby/craft that you used to love but put on the backburner because hugs and kisses were better than drawing or photography. Think of the things that you put your SO before, and indulge yourself in them. Be FREE. It is good that you found out who that person really is before you made an irrevocable, long-term decision with them. No one wants to hear it but, TIME REALLY DOES HEAL ALL. Maybe you can’t forgive them in the foreseeable future, but regardless to however long it takes, one day it’ll be out of your mind, and if not, F*CK IT. My mother wasn’t married until she was in her FORTIES. And although that sounds sad (lol) her husband is one of the greatest men in the world, in which she would have never come across had she kept dealing with bullshit. The moral is, in life, some people turn out to be something totally different than what you expected, even that “friend” you’ve known forever. If your SO turns out to be one of these people, pick yourself up and be ready to find someone who is worth your time and effort. If you can’t let them go out a night without you, or do things by themselves just because that nagging feeling of “what if” is unbearable, LEAVE.
If you DO NOT leave that person for good, and decide to work things out, be careful. People cheat for different reasons. Although ninety percent of those “reasons” don’t hold enough weight for complete validity, sometimes looking at your SO’s point of view helps you understand them better, not as your lover, but as an actual person. At the end of the day this is the love of your life and although they have fucked up beyond fucked up, this doesn’t mean things can’t be mended. YOU must be the judge to whether or not they are worth the EXTREME amount of effort it takes to get over this. Not your family, not all the websites you’ve found from the Google Search: “How to deal with a cheater”, and last, but most importantly, NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Your situation is not the same as anyone else’s and how you would handle another persons heartbreak, may not be the way they handle it. If you can forgive a person for cheating on you, you can smile just on the notion that you can conquer anything. Find happiness in that you are a strong individual that doesn’t drop everything based on a critically undeserved action. It sounds so stupid until you actually have to deal with it, but now the ball is in your court. If your SO is TRULY sorry, they will be working extra hard to give you their all. They will want nothing more than to make you happy. Take advantage of this. Not by making them jump through hoops to impress you, but look at it as a second chance to build something stronger than what you had before. Let them show you they can be the person you always knew they could. Allow them to flood you with sincere kisses, and let them comfort you. Whenever tragedy strikes it can destroy its target completely, allowing no possibility of re-growth OR, it allows the resurrection of something 10x’s as strong as the initial structure. If you choose to stay, it is vital to NEVER, and I repeat NEVER throw it back in their face. The purpose of moving on with them is to leave all of this in the past. How would you feel if every time you did something they didn’t like, their response was “See, this is exactly why I cheated on you”. In both directions it is wrong and unhealthy. Once again, if you cannot gather yourself and move on with hopes of bettering your relationship… LEAVE.
But be advised… The old saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Should be the ULTIMATE statement to stand by regarding your situation. Sorry to be so insensitive, but if you are dealing with someone who cheats on you more than once, YOU ARE AN IDIOT. Unless you are truly relying on this person for your well-being (which you need to fix anyhow), there is no reason to deal with them on an emotional level. You will hear every apology anyone can ever say after the first time they cheat, and those things just can NOT make sense the second time around. If it happens again, this is where you say to yourself “You were not a loyal, trustworthy individual that made a mistake, I was…”
Always remember to love deeply, laugh hard, and know how to forgive those who wrong you. This is your life so you make the decision for what is worth your time, and what is not. If you can get through it and learn how to bounce back, then by all means go for it. TRUST ME, it can work out in ways you never thought possible. But if you just can’t see your relationship being the same or getting better, LEAVE… END. OF. STORY. Peace.